"I. Am. __________."

bodbuds
Oct 7, 2014
5 min read

Dear Body Buds,

I am writing this letter to you with the help of my friend, Daniel A. Burgess, a marriage and family therapist. I appreciate his insight and help in this letter, and hope you will think deeply about the application of this topic to you in your life. I also invite you to share this blog post with those in your life who may also benefit.

The more people I meet, the more I am able to glimpse inside the realities of other people's minds and worlds. While facades and social networking images may tell one side of a person’s story—a projected semi-truth of a person's life—the story they don't tell is the plethora of their harbored feelings.

As I am a body and mind transformation coach, you know what I'm talking about:

Feelings of not having a “good enough” body.

Feelings of frustration at failure in past diet efforts.

Feelings of complacency and inability to get motivated to make a change in your life.

Feelings of inadequacy as you compare yourself to other people or advertisement models.

Feelings of disgust at the habits you've allowed to take over your life.

Photography by www.lookielouphotography.com

First and foremost, I need you to know you are not alone in your feelings. I have worked with some of the most elite athletes who look as close to "perfection" (defined by the sport or goal) as you can imagine, and some of the most obese people--annnnnnnnd everyone in between. It is so interesting that every single one of these people admits the feelings I outlined above! So, guess what? Congratulations--you're human.

Now that we have that straight, let's look at how we can begin changing the voices in our minds. I am the biggest believer in changing our external behavior and actions first. The most successful therapeutic interventions for positive change is an evidence based psychotherapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT is one of the most effective and fastest methods in changing behavior, because it identifies the specific patterns of thinking and behavior that lead to negative thoughts, beliefs and actions. By identifying these negative patterns you will be able to modify those behaviors which hold you back.

I refer to this as changing the energy vibrations that are the catalyst to behavior. Those energy vibrations are a direct result of the thoughts we allow in our minds. If you have not yet seen my YouTube Video “Master Your Mind,” I encourage you to watch it as I discuss how to take a seat on the bleachers of your mind and watch the game going on between two teams. Becoming aware of the battles in your mind is the first step to making a change. This is vulnerable, this is difficult and I am not going to lie to you, it might even be painful. But it is necessary!

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ― Brené Brown Pleading ignorance and refusing to do some introspection is not owning your story. Embrace your vulnerabilities, own your darkness and discover the infinite power of your light. So it’s time to tune into what’s happening in your mind, and start identifying the positive and the negative self-talk that is occurring.

Once you are paying attention, I want you to start looking for the following statement to see how often it occurs: I. Am. _______. This is an identifying statement where you actually tell yourself what you are. As you observe your own mind, you may find yourself making statements like this:

I am fat.

I am worthless.

I am a failure.

I am ugly.

I am stupid.

I am a stress-case.

Hmmmmm . . . do any of these sound familiar? If so, once again, you’re human! Our brains are so interestingly programmed to do this! It’s okay to have these naturally-occurring thoughts. But it’s not okay to allow them to determine our energy vibrations and external behavior.

So now that we are aware of these statements being made, (watch out, because we actually begin to believe ourselves when we say these things), we need to start changing this phrase. Get ready, because this will seriously blow your mind on how differently you feel once you start employing it . . .

Instead of saying, I. Am _______, I would like you to begin saying “I. Feel. _______.” There is a big difference in these two phrases. Where the first phrase causes you to believe you actually are whatever you have inserted in the blank that follows, the second phrase allows you to feel the emotion of what’s going on, without becoming it.

I have watched many of my clients change their minds and thereafter, their bodies, through this technique alone. Reframing the thoughts that happen in your mind is a powerful tool to use against the negativity that is constantly thrown at you.

So now, whenever you are tempted to say, “I. Am. Fat,” I want you to say, “I feel fat, but I’m working on changing that.” The next time you are tempted to say, “I. Am. Stupid,” I want you to say, “I feel stupid, but I learned from this situation and will act differently next time.” The next time you are tempted to say, “I. Am. A. Failure,” I want you to say, “I feel like a failure, but failures give up. And I refuse to give up. I will persist!”

If, however, after a few weeks of diligently implementing this new way of thinking you continue to feel defeated, persistent negative thoughts and uncontrollable eating patterns, I would suggest the following: it is possible that there are additional biological issues at play. One of the biggest obstacles to positive behavioral thoughts and actions is sleep deprivation and thyroid issues.

It is a misconception that only people who snore have sleep Apnea or UARS. Therefore many go decades with symptoms of depression, anxiety, hormonal issues, ADHD, weight gain, anger and irritability problems without realizing that these were not the problem but the symptoms of a sleeping disorder. I would strongly encourage you to get sleep tested and get your blood work done to ensure you are properly treated. Daniel has worked with clients who, after being treated for a sleep disorder, have literally become new people after decades of believing they were depressed.

Body Buddies, this is a game-changer . . . if you begin implementing this tool.

We are both cheering you on!

Take it one meal, one workout, and one day at a time.

Love your buds,